This is the Reader's Digest version of the last week give or take a few days. My brain is still under the influence of cold medicine but I am coming out of the fog.
Have you ever known beyond a shadow of a doubt, deep in your gut, that everything is OK, there is nothing wrong but no one will believe you? Every thing sensible knows you are doing the right thing but it is pointless and throwing away good money that could pay other bills or even better, buy yarn?
My gut knows that lump in my breast is not cancer, my brain knows that lump is not cancer and that is good enough for me. Of course we all know that until something medically tells me that lump is not cancer we must push on for that answer. Two rounds of mammograms read by no less than some cancer detecting piece of software, one radiologist, one medical doctor and one surgeon and I am headed for surgery. No big deal. A nice nap, 20 minutes, a larger than I thought incision and the feeling that my left breast has been run over by a rather large herd of horses and I still won't know until Tuesday that it IS NOT CANCER.
I have never had surgery before and have never been "put under". I apparently "go under" very easily as one Valium made me sooooo relaxed and the half syringe of sleepy stuff left me totally out. I was so looking forward to counting backward from 100 as they put the mask over my face like they do on TV. The last I remember is the back of the rather handsome anesthesiologist leaving the holding area before I ever even went to the surgical suite. I do feel cheated in that respect.
I did get one question answered though. How would I look as a D cup? It really is hard to tell when the dressing is quite lumpy and the other side is considerably less than a D but I think I will pass. Especially since I am pretty sure it would take a much larger herd of horses to equal the pain of increasing to a D.
Then there is the head cold. It actually started the night before surgery but I wasn't sure if I was reacting to chemical smells from work or if I was actually getting sick. I was getting sick and it is a doosy of a head cold. I hear my own heart beating in my ears at times and when I cough I don't know what will hurt the worst, my breast, my throat or my head. Thank goodness they are all sharing the experience so none feels left out. In reality I think if it weren't for the cold I would really be enjoying this time off from work. I can't go back until after my appointment on Tuesday but I really have not enjoyed much of anything so far. I have gotten some knitting done, watched a fair amount of TV often through closed eyes and slept rather fitfully at night. I don't plan to take anymore pain meds at night. I should be writing science fiction from the dreams I have been having.
Is there an upside to all of this? Well, you find out who your friends are. Food has been delivered, numerous phone calls inquiring about my recovery were made and more prayers than I will ever know about have been said. I have talked to my children, parents and sister every day. My children who have little money sent me a beautiful little bouquet of flowers. My sister brought a goodie bag with magazines, chocolate and flavored teas. She knows me well. We curled up on my bed and chatted for a while. I'm afraid I may have fallen asleep but then she didn't mind. Then there is My Man. What a jewel. He has cooked, helped me change dressings, reassured me and nearly had to be kicked out of the house to go hang with his buddies today to play poker and watch the Super Bowl.
The pictures below are the only two taken in the last week. The first is from Knit Night and the second is of the third heart dishcloth I have made. I love variegated yarn in the ball but not much when there is a design in the knitting. Believe me, there are five hearts in that dishcloth.
I hope to return to my regularly scheduled life by tomorrow but I have been up a little too long now. The couch and the Super Bowl commercials are calling my name. I wonder who is playing?
1/28/08
2/3/08
